Exit Wounds
by BlackBandit111
Summary: Toby doesn't think Cabe knows exactly how bad those "recurring nightmares" could get. Not entirely. No slash, brotherly Toby, emotionally whumped Walter.


_Two Scorpion fics in one day, whaaaaaaaaaaaat? Yeah, me too, don't worry. This is another tag/ish thing to Cliffhangers (because SO MUCH Walter/emotional whump material, honestly). But Toby sounded pretty pissed in the scene where Walter admits he's got nightmares and Cabe says he does too. You know what I mean- the whole: "Thanks to you, I don't sleep. Recurring nightmares-" "You think you're the only one who has those dreams?"_

_So I wanted to expand. Warning: Mentions anxiety attacks, nightmares, and mentions throw up in passing, just in ase you're squeamish. First huge paragraph if you really feel need to skip. _

_Now that that's over with, hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Toby knows (and oh, does he understand) Cabe's frustration at Walter's outbursts; hell, he even understands why Cabe told the genius to grow up.

But that comment- the one about Walter not being the only who "has those dreams"- it doesn't sit right with him.

And by "doesn't sit right with him" he means "pisses him off".

He knows that if he were thinking logically (_actually_ logically, not _Walter's _logically) he wouldn't be so angry. Cabe wasn't there; doesn't know what it was like, how bad it got. Cabe hasn't had to shake a screaming Walter awake so violently that Walter leant over and threw up. Cabe hasn't woken time and time again to earnest pleads and babbled apologies and anguished tears that he could spend an hour soothing away, only for them to return the next time Walter closed his eyes. Cabe hasn't had to search the closets of whatever dingy apartment they'd managed to wrangle themselves until he found Walter curled up in the back of one, clutching one of Toby's shirts, always in the dark.

That wasn't Cabe. That was Toby.

And Cabe wants to claim that he had fits like _that?_

Sometimes- early on, when he and Walter had only been living together for three or four months- he'd shake Walter awake and the young man wouldn't be able to breathe. He'd gasp, and his mouth would move, and he'd clutch at Toby like he was a child (which he was, now that Toby looks back- he had just seen far, far too much, even for his genius brain to process). Toby would coax him through the anxiety attack, worry gnawing at his insides as Walter desperately tried to draw air, shaking so hard his teeth would clack together. He'd whisper such heartbroken things in the dark, always afraid, always so broken, things that he would never even conceive admitting in the light of day. Walter could keep up his mask in the daylight- it shielded all the cracks. But at night, no. At night, Walter fell apart.

And he always fell so, so hard.

Throughout all these whispered, shameful apologies and earnest pleas, the name "Gallo" was unfailingly somehow on Walter's lips, omitted in such a grief-stricken manner that even Toby felt desolation rise within him. The despair that seemed to radiate from Walter at these times was overwhelming, and it took months- _years- _for him to really learn how to wake himself before it got that bad, before he crashed. "Fell down the rabbit hole" wasn't just a term coined when geniuses got lost in work. It was just a term coined for _lost_.

(Sometimes, even now, Toby has to find him and be his compass. Ten years later.)

Walter is good at many things.

Forgiving himself isn't one of them.

Walter was Toby's first real best friend- there'd been the occasional hearty companion back then, but Walter was the only one who had found Toby on the side of the road that night and _cared_, cared enough to keep him. And hell if Toby hadn't cared just as much for this straggly young teenager without a penny to his name, an IQ of 197, wit as sharp as it came, a heart bigger than he'd ever seen.

And that's why he's pissed. Because Cabe doesn't get to make such an offhand comment about something Walter so willingly gave Cabe a second chance to mend, only for the agent spit it in his face. Cabe doesn't get to hurt Walter like that again. Not while Toby's around.

It's kind of funny, really. Long ago, Toby had promised himself that he'd find the man Walter shouted at in his sleep (and sometimes _for_, though Toby never said anything) and he'd rip him apart piece by chipped piece, so that maybe, _just maybe_, he'd understand what Walter'd been put through because of him. Months of sleepless nights and sore muscles from jamming himself into closets. Always closets.

In the daylight, Toby had been Toby Curtis- sarcastic, cocky and confident- and Walter was Walter O'Brien, IQ 197, distant and analytical, logical and loveless.

But when night fell and darkness came again to creep into Walter's heart, they were stripped down to less- just Walter and Toby, distraught and despairing, scared and scarred, haltingly hopeful for dawn to come sooner because they were just a couple of kids who didn't know what they were doing.

Well, now they're not just some dumb kids getting by- they're adults, Toby especially, and he'll be damned if Cabe does something to hurt Walter like that _again_. Cabe doesn't understand- Toby gets that. Maybe if he did, if he knew what Walter had gone through all those years because of the demons Cabe helped give him, he'd be less flippant about how Walter said things, to whom Walter granted second chances. Because Walter never did anything vulnerable with his emotions- not like that- because he _knew _they'd be stepped on. And lo and behold, Cabe tread all over them.

Maybe Cabe didn't mean it like that. From a different perspective (and according to his tone of voice, because Toby couldn't see his posture) it was more defensive than it was attacking, more like snapped sympathy than clipped cruelty. But it was said wrong. Toby knows Cabe wouldn't do something so mean on purpose- but it happened. And how did Walter O'Brien take it: snapped sympathy, or clipped cruelty?

Toby has a pretty good idea.

And the fact that Walter has even learned to take it that way- especially from Cabe- is sickening.

So no, Cabe doesn't get to minimalize Walter's suffering by implying _he _was haunted by Baghdad too. Just because he's got bad dreams doesn't mean it shadows him wherever he goes. Not like it shadows Walter. _Those panic attacks terrified Toby._

So Toby grits his teeth and tells them to argue later, because Walter needs his wits and Cabe will just have to have some patience (and if he doesn't he has to _find _some, because Toby is _not _having it). Not while Walter is on the line _again_, not while Walter is emotionally compromised, and _especially _not when Walter is in this state of mind.

Because _blaming himself? _

Yeah, Walter's pretty good at that.

* * *

_Well, I had fun writing this, I must say, and I was kind of happy to get some insight as to why everyone's a little mad at Cabe at the moment. Anyway, thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed (bad, good? Did Toby sound Toby-enough?) And please leave me a comment on your thoughts!_


End file.
